About the Bar Mitzvah

By Ellen Zucker

The Bar Mitzvah is a ceremony which marks a rite of passage for Jewish children. According to Jewish law, this is when a child becomes an adult in the eyes of Jewish law and becomes a full fledged member of the Jewish community.

As part of the ceremony, the child is called upon to read from the Torah, say prayers, and read passages during the Shabbat service.

The term "Bar Mitzvah," applied to boys means son of the commandment. ("Bat Mitzvah," applied to girls means daughter of the commandment).

Up until the beginning of the twentieth century, only boys received their Bar Mitzvah. As European and American society opened up for women and girls, they, too, wanted to participate in this rite of passage. Now it is commonplace for Jewish girls to participate in this ceremony.

This is a time of great rejoicing. Afterwards, it is traditional to have a celebration marked by the coming together of friends and family at which food is served.

There is no religious component to the celebration afterwards - only to the service. This is good news for you if you are planning a Bar Mitzvah celebration for your child. Because it means you can arrange it any way you want.

Bar Mitzvah celebrations range from the very simple to the very elaborate. Most fall in between. In the past 30 years, as social pressures and expectations have increased, celebrations have become larger and more elaborate.

Another trend is these celebrations are becoming more theme based and child focused. Centerpieces and other decor often reflect favorite hobbies and interests of the Bar Mitzvah child.

Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations most often take place in the synogogue or temple where the service was held, or a banquet hall in a hotel, restaurant, or country club. Sometimes they can take place in at home.

They usually take place on a Saturday afternoon or evening just following the service. Occasionally it may take place on a Sunday.

Invitees are immediate and extended family members, friends of the family, and friends of the guest of honor.

In the 1980's the DJ community targeted Bar Mitzvah celebrations as a market for their services. In so doing they shaped the celebration into what we most commonly see today.

The typical American Bar Mitzvah celebration proceeds as follows: First, a cocktail hour for approximately an hour. Butlered hor d'ourves are often served as guests circulate.

Then guests are ushered into a room where the main celebration takes place. The guest of honor's family is introduced and the candlelighting ceremony begins.

The candlelighting ceremony's function is to enable the Bar Mitzvah child to pay tribute to the friends and family that shaped him or her into the young man or woman that she has now become.

The guest of honor reads a tribute and asks significant people in his or her life to come up and light one of 13 candles. As they come up they are accompanied by appropriate music played by the DJ or band. This is followed by the all of the guests joining in circle dancing to traditional tunes.

While the candlelighting ceremony has become commonplace, it is not part of Jewish religious tradition, as some may believe. It an innovation developed by the DJ community.

And so you can choose to include it, modify it, or exclude it, as you wish.

A meal is then served, either sit-down or buffet. This is interspersed by dancing for all and games for the children. Often there is additional entertainment such as a caricature artist or two as well as favors for the children. Bar Mitzvah celebrations in this format generally last 4-5 hours.

There are variations to this format.

Some families choose to hold two separate celebrations. One is a shorter luncheon oriented towards family and adult guests. Later there is a separate gathering of the Bar Mitzvah age guests in a more casual location (and a higher decibel level). The latter boasts louder dance music generally provided by a DJ. It is chaperoned by the Bar Mitzvah's parents usually assisted by a small group of adults.

The advantage here is that each event is oriented more closely to the needs of each group. The disadvantage... another event for the the tired parents to attend.

Occasionally the celebration will take another tack altogether.

One of the most charming celebrations I've ever attended was the Bat Mitzvah celebration for a girl held in her Temple following her Shabbat service.

A sit-down luncheon was served. The girls numbered approximately two dozen. They were provided with a separate table with quilting squares and asked to design their own squares. I provided caricature entertainment. The guests had a wonderful time. The girls were absolutely charming. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves and were well behaved.

In summary, the Bar Mitzvah celebration marks the time that the Jewish boy or girl becomes an adult in the eyes of Jewish law.

The religious component is observed in the rituals performed at the Bar Mitzvah's Shabbat service.

The reception afterwards is a thoroughly secular affair and gives the guest of honor's family and friends a chance to come together and celebrate the happy occasion.

From Bar Mitzvahs to Home.